Wetlands Post in Old London font

News

Heinous underground newspaper sued for defamation by College

James Brandt •
Year 12 Valedictory Dinner used to attack a shocking online publication known as the ‘Wetlands Post’
A picture of a legal document

Shocking: Experts estimate only 10% of Year 12 Literature students have finished the book

Dominik Beveridge •
The students before the 2 hour external exam on Wednesday morning appeared to have stoically accepted their fate.
A woman with her head in hands on a desk

The Future of the Wetlands Post

Dominik Beveridge •
What happens to this newspaper lies in your hands
A layered image of wetlands post articles

Data shows sudden spike in cross gender interactions after 2025 Formal announced

Dominik Beveridge •
Analysis of CCTV footage shows Year 11s scrambling to develop last-minute relationships with possible partners
A boy and a girl sit on steps and talk to each other. Source: Freepik

Teachers “furious” at the removal of J block “Break out rooms”

Hugo B •
In a development that has left teachers fuming, the College executive team has decided to remove the sliding doors from the wildly popular “breakout rooms”, sparking intense controversy within the school community.
A picture of a breakout room with a red prohibited icon

QLD Government announces state takeover of College while Principal enjoys Italian holiday

James Brandt •
While the principal is on holiday in Italy, the college sees radical reform in his absence, rebranding as Queensland’s newest juvenile detention centre.
A picture of the college with a queensland government icon

Exlusive: Anonymous tip off throws new light on "Celebration Day" unlawful activities

Dominik Beveridge •
A source has revealed several shocking new crimes in a stunning expose, casting doubt on supposed “tame” final day
A picture of a crime scene tracker Source: pch.vector

Capture! Year 12 extremists' “Celebration Day” plans thwarted by AFP

George Coburn •
AFP reveals covert arrest of students following senior pranks, reminds them to think about “the mark you leave on the college”
A blurry picture of police officers arresting a man

AFP sent back to Canberra after remarkably uneventful Celebration/Thankfulness/Gratitude Day

Dominik Beveridge •
CHAC executives breathe sigh of relief as the Grade 12’s final day of classes occurs without major incident
A picture of an Australian Federal Police standing outside Parliament house at Canberra

Highschool Carpark Police Patrols Welcome Sight

James Brandt •
Decision to deploy Queensland Police Service widely praised by students and community alike as parking offences soar
A photo of a police ticket sitting in a windscreen wiper

College declares independence from mainland Australia

Dominik Beveridge •
The ‘Republic of CHAC’ was formed this morning as torrential rains remove the last land connection to Australia
A photo of someone jumping into a lake

Student left ‘traumatised and humiliated’ following $6.50 canteen catastrophe

Callum Burns •
Student concerns regarding the pricing and quality of the College canteen remain unanswered, bringing into question the integrity of the catering service.
A photo of a low quality sparsely filled wrap

Unidentified dead thing removed from C Block rafters after overwhelming stench of death affects students' learning

Jack Simpson •
A formal complaint was lodged yesterday when a junior maths teacher, who has asked to remain anonymous, was unable to maintain students’ interest in trigonometric functions
A photo of C Block building during the day time

Principal puts AFP on standby as "Celebration Day" approaches

Dominik Beveridge •
The Wetlands Post can report that the Principal has put the Australian Federal Police on red alert and troops are stationed in Brisbane
A picture of the Aus Federal Police abseiling in combat gear

Disapproval as Shrek ruled out for CHAC 2025 Musical

Hugo B •
In a shocking announcement that has left students scratching their heads, CHAC has released that the 2025 musical will be School of Rock
A photo of Shrek looking disappointed

SCOOP: Sausage-gate scandal leaves community questioning CHAC’s financial responsibilities

Jacob Duncan • James Brandt •
Peel House’s financial losses from house sausage sizzle (“Sausage-gate”) may reveal deeper financial conspiracies
An image of a graph with a red line dropping towards the x-axis, with a man standing next to it holding his head in his hands

Revealed: Peel grade 12 farewell sausage sizzle makes shocking financial loss

Jack Simpson •
House captains Adele and Elodie finished counting the two-dollar sanger payments early this morning and were dismayed to discover a damaging net loss
A shot of sausages on a bbq

Exclusive: College Captain fails to sign in to Music Lesson

Dominik Beveridge •
The College community is reeling after news Toby Chippendale, College Captain, let slip he has been failing to sign in and out of music lessons
Toby Chippendale