Heinous underground newspaper sued for defamation by College
Year 12 Valedictory Dinner used to attack a shocking online publication known as the ‘Wetlands Post’
The College’s Valedictory Dinner is one of the Brisbane youth’s most popular events, second only to the annual ritual of throwing Lime scooters into the Brisbane River. As a typically light-hearted affair, graduating Year 12 students savour their last opportunity to awkwardly shake hands with some of their least favourite members of staff.
However, in a shocking turn of events, the College used this occasion to bravely fight back against the scandalous articles of the infamous newspaper known as the Wetlands Post.
As laid out by the Principal and Deputy Principal in their respective addresses, the Wetlands Post has released a barrage of defamatory articles against the College, crippling its esteemed reputation. The Principal condemned the paper as a “pitiful excuse for journalism”, with one particularly distressed staff member at the dinner emphatically yelling out “it’s all lies!”.
The consequences of these articles on the College have been nothing short of catastrophic: student enrolments have plummeted, and the College has filed for bankruptcy following a complete collapse of their stock price on the ASX.
Even worse, the reputations of the College executives have been shredded and staff members face daily media harassment and abuse.
“I have to watch my every move, because if I step out of line, the Wetlands Post will destroy my my life and everything I’ve worked for throughout my career,” revealed an anonymous College teacher. “Every member of staff is kept awake at night by the terrifying thought of another article being published.”
Due to the extent of the damages caused by the Wetlands Post, the College has finally mustered the courage to sue the dreaded newspaper for defamation.
This is truly a David versus Goliath case; a humble college holding its ground against the Wetland Post’s army of well-paid lawyers, in what is considered the largest legal defence in Australian history.
The move has inspired school teachers across the country to protest in solidarity with their colleagues at the College and demand the shutdown of the Wetlands Post, sparking widespread riots and civil unrest.
The Wetlands Post declined our request for comment.
More to come
On a completely unrelated note, this paper is now requesting urgent financial aid from its readers. A GoFundMe link will be provided shortly.