Shocking New Reports Indicate Obesity In Local Water Dragons is On The Rise

For decades, water dragons have thrived in the college, roaming around eating bugs and insects as part of their natural diet. However, it has been observed that over the last few years, the lizards have been increasingly willing to approach students… especially at lunchtime.

Many students have taken to feeding the lizards their leftover lunches. A recent study indicates that over 75% of students regularly feed the lizards. This would be harmless if it were their normal diet of insects and ground-dwelling creepy crawlies. However, students have been feeding the lizards fast-acting carbohydrates, sugary foods with no nutrition.

 A grade 7 claims to have seen one dragging itself along the boardwalk, unable to lift its own weight, and it doesn’t stop there. Experts estimate that over 80% of our beloved baby Godzilla’s are overweight to some degree, with just over 30% being legally classified as obese. These are shocking statistics. While lizards in the city are facing food shortages, our gluttonous water dragons are overindulging simply by lingering near students.

In a troubling incident, a Year 7 student was reportedly dragged under the boardwalk by a Water Dragon and has not been seen since Monday, February 9th. The College quickly attempted to cover up the incident, claiming that the family had moved away, but we know the truth.

The Year 7 family declined our request for comment.

More to come