Student left ‘traumatised and humiliated’ following $6.50 canteen catastrophe

During the morning tea of Friday the 4th of October, an anonymous member of the year 12 cohort purchased what they expected to be a bacon wrap befitting its $6.50 price tag. However, the received product was shockingly meagre, containing only one slice of tomato, one slice of cold bacon, and an excessively modest sprinkling of soggy greens and sliced cheese.

The product, described as ‘frankly insulting’, quickly amassed a small crowd of horrified students. ‘We were in awe,’ one such student confirmed. ‘This could have happened to any of us…where is the accountability?’

‘I don’t want a refund – I just want answers’, the anonymous recipient pleaded in our tell-all interview; “these things aren’t meant to happen in this day and age.”

However, these pleas remain unanswered; despite the overwhelming discontent among the student body, no official statement has been released.

For the victims and witnesses of this deeply harrowing incident, no relief has come. It is unclear when – if ever - this tumultuous period will end, nor who will be the next casualty.

‘When will this culinary cruelty end?’ questioned one Wetlands Post correspondent reportedly ‘still reeling’ from the recent ‘sausage-gate’ ordeal.

‘How much can one slice of tomato, a piece of cold bacon, and a tortilla really cost?’ questioned another.

The finance advisor of the Wetlands Post has the answer, dear readers – approximately $1.12.

This abysmal figure – barely over a dollar - is evidently a far-cry from the $6.50 they charged. It is therefore no wonder that questions have been raised about the rationale of the Canteen in charging so much as $6.50. Can it be written off as innocent financial irresponsibility, or is it really the result of inhumanly cruel financial exploitation?

Until we have a formal response, it seems to be anyone’s guess. However, should news break, the Wetlands Post will release an update.

The whole ordeal has set the stage for speculation regarding greater conspiracies; ‘The jagged shape [of the cheese] is quite suspect”, speculated one student, “…almost as if they were removing mould”.

Though this conjecture isn’t representative of the beliefs held by the Wetlands Post, it is an intriguing and disturbing possibility.

Perhaps most tragically, this incident doesn’t seem exceptional, either – rather, it appears to represent a wider pattern of disappointing quality.

At this time, there are presumed to be an untold number of victims suffering in silence; conservative estimates place victims in the tens of thousands. As such, it is the hope of the Wetlands Post staff that this publication will lead to the release of additional testimonies.

It is currently unclear whether legal avenues for recourse are being pursued, but one thing is clear: something must be done. Questions must be answered.

More to come