Data shows sudden spike in cross gender interactions after 2025 Formal announced

The data team at the Wetlands Post has analysed years of footage from CCTV cameras across the school, and applied state of the art prediction models. Focusing on the behaviour of the current Year 11s, the following graph has been produced.

As seen, after the formal date was announced there was a unprecedented increase in mixed-gender interactions, primarily driven by desperate boys randomly opening conversations with girls as they realise that they’ve spent the last 5 years passively ignoring them.

“Yeah, well honestly haven’t had much to do with them. Got to lock in now though” one such student told the Wetlands Post.

Many are looking on in envy at the lucky few in the cohort that seemed to have formal dates sorted from day one.

Data analysis shows strong correlation with these people and participation in programs such as the ‘Da Vinci Decathlon’, debating, ‘Ethics Olympiad’, the so-called ‘Opti-minds’ and TAS Sport, Performance Music, as well as membership of various committees.

Oddly enough, those doing subjects like Digital Solutions appear to show the least chance at attaining a partner.

Compounding the issue is the much earlier date of the Formal in February instead of early May, which has left many feeling robbed of months of subtle and carefully planned social positioning.

“I was going to join the Social Justice Committee, the Student Council…”, said one male. “Very little time for that now.”

To the Year 11s yet to find a date, the Wetlands Post has this importanr message:

The worst that can happen is a deeply traumatic and humiliating rejection you will never forget

To all other grades: if you haven’t already, get started now.

More to come